


at least we had it for a moment

by perfectlyrose



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Dimension-Hopping Rose, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2019-07-02 02:13:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15786852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perfectlyrose/pseuds/perfectlyrose
Summary: Rose finally finds the Doctor while dimension hopping, but it's not the right time.





	at least we had it for a moment

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sequence_fairy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sequence_fairy/gifts).



> from the prompt: “Do I look like I’ve moved on?” + a request for angst because it's Jess (ily ♥)
> 
> finally putting this up on AO3 many months later

“You can’t be here,” the Doctor said, fists clenched at his side so he wouldn’t reach for her. He knew he wouldn’t be able to let her go if he touched her.

Rose recoiled, hurt clear on her face. “What?”

“I said, you can’t be here.”

“Well, I couldn’t exactly stay in the universe I was trapped in!” Rose shot back, her anger igniting, only slightly obscuring the wounded look in her eyes. “I’m sorry if I’m  _disturbing_ you since you’ve obviously moved on from me and our time together, but the multiverse is dying and I can’t fix it on my own.”

“You think I’ve just moved on?”

“Haven’t you? You obviously don’t want me here.” She crossed her arms over her chest, looked over his shoulder instead of actually at him, not wanting confirmation of her fears.

Every word she spoke stuck him in his hearts like individual pins. He was going to bleed out slowly from this unexpected visit when all was said and done.

(If the price for seeing her again, even if she was blazing with anger, was death, he would gladly pay it any day.)

(It wasn’t like throwing himself into ever-more dangerous situations was doing the trick, after all.)

“I know the stars are going out,” he said finally.

“And you aren’t doing anything?” she asked incredulously, gaze locking back on his.

He shook his head.

Rose took a step closer. His nails dug deep crescents into his palms.

“Why the hell not? I’ve sent myself through the void more times that I can even count, seen things I can’t even describe to you for how terrible they were, barely escaped with my life so many times only to finally find you and warn you and you’re not doing a single damn thing about it?” She took a deep breath. “I don’t care that you don’t want to see me, that you’ve moved on. I’ll get over it. But I need your help. I deserve at least that much.”

The Doctor stepped forward this time, all predatory grace. Rose retreated on instinct until her back hit a wall. He braced his arms against the bricks, caging her in.

“Does it look like I’ve moved on, Rose?” He asked, voice rough now as he dropped all his shields and let her see the emotions swirling inside him.

He didn’t give her a chance to answer before covering her mouth with his own. It was a brutal, demanding kiss. He was taking what he wanted, punishing her for showing up and still being so  _her_ and thinking he could possibly have moved on. He was angry and heartbroken and so elated and devastated to see her again and he conveyed this all with lips and teeth and tongue in a way he couldn’t have managed with thousands of words. 

The Doctor broke away and rested his forehead against hers, listening to their ragged breathing for a moment. “Does it feel like I’ve moved on? I am haunted by you every damn second of every day, Rose.”

“Then why won’t you help?”

“Because I already have.” He pulled back and pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead with all the tenderness he’d lacked moments before. Stepping away was one of the hardest things he thought he’d ever done. “You have to keep going, have to find a younger me. He’ll help.”

Rose looked up at him, those whiskey-brown eyes seeing him far too clearly now that her anger had dissipated. “You lost me again, didn’t you? That’s why you looked at me like I was a ghost when I showed up.”

He hesitated and then nodded.

Rose reached up and cupped his cheek and he leaned into her touch. “I’m sorry, Doctor.”

“Don’t apologize for living a good life. Because you did, you are.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t give you forever like I promised.”

He flinched and Rose dropped her hand. Her lower lip was trembling like it always did when she was trying not to cry.

“I guess I have to go, then. Find you and save the multiverse and all that.”

“You do.”

She swallowed and then looked up at him, that bravery he’d always so admired and loved shining out of her eyes. “Kiss me goodbye? Make one last good memory.”

The Doctor shook his head. “If I do that, I’ll never let you go.”

“Guess I have to do everything around here,” she teased, though her voice shook. She raised herself up on her toes and pressed an achingly gentle kiss to his lips, pulling away before he could bring himself to respond.

“What I told you when you said goodbye before…” she started.

“I know.” He didn’t think he could bear her saying those words to him today. Not when she was going to disappear once more.

Rose bit her lip and nodded. “I hope I got to say that to you many more times under better circumstances.”

He hoped that too. He hoped his other self heard them every day of his life and said them to her multiple times a day.

He nodded instead of saying any of that.

“Guess all I can say now is goodbye. Just… try and be happy Doctor. Don’t be on your own.”

“I’m not good for people,” he said.

“You are. And they’re good for you.”

There were so many things he wanted to say to her. ( _I miss you. Please be happy. Please stay. I love you._ ) But the only thing he could say was “Go find me, Rose. Defend the universe like you always do.”

“Multiverse this time,” she said with a tremulous smile.

“Of course.” His own smile felt forced but he offered it to her all the same. What was one more smile when she was taking his hearts with her again?

“Goodbye, Doctor.”

“I’ll be waiting for you,” he answered, not really knowing if he was referring to his past self or his current one. It was true both ways and he was never willing, never ready, to say a final goodbye to Rose Tyler, even when she was saying one to him.

She gave him one more smile and then pressed a button on her wrist unit and disappeared in a blue flash, leaving only a metallic tang and a shell of a Time Lord behind.


End file.
